Last week they announced who was going to perform at Coachella, a huge music festival that’s often filled with hipsters. This music festival if you don’t know often has some of the biggest stars performing and this year will be no different. This year Lorde will perform, DJ Snake oh and BEYONCE!
But it’s not easy getting your hands on a pair of Coachella tickets but luckily for you an ad on Craigslist (already see a red flag) from a guy named Gordon has VIP passes just for for you! Too bad you have to follow some creepy requirements to get them.
Here are Gordon’s creepy demands:
Must keep hands and feet moisturized at all times.
Must be ok with periodic hand-holding
Fingernails and Toenails must be nicely painted and harmonious with general color scheme of outfit.
Being social is fine but no excessive fraternizing with other male festival-goers, and most definitely NO PUBLIC AFFECTION with other festival-goers
Periodic moments of extended eye contact.
Allow me to brush your hair once per day
Uh… yeah, no thanks Gordon. Check out his full list of demands below.
1. Must be female between the ages of 19 and 25
2. Must be comfortable traveling in a Recreational Vehicle (Vintage Shasta Chinook 3100 – pic attached).
3. Must have fashionable sense of style in the vein of typical coachella goer (i.e. cute indian headband, small ripped jean shorts, lots of colorful bracelets, etc).
4. Preferably have a playlist of various Coachella artists on phone we can listen to on ride over.
5. Must keep hands and feet moisturized at all times.
6. Must be open-minded and opportunistic.
7. Must be ok with periodic hand-holding
8. Fingernails and Toenails must be nicely painted and harmonious with general color scheme of outfit.
9. I will provide snacks such as beef jerky and peanut butter sandwiches but if you have additional snacks and/or drinks…BIG BONUS!
10. Being social is fine but no excessive fraternizing with other male festival-goers, and most definitely NO PUBLIC AFFECTION with other festival-goers
11. Periodic moments of extended eye contact.
12. Allow me to brush your hair once per day (not mandatory, but encouraged).
13. Must not be into drugs, pot ok.
14. Must take a minimum of four photos of us together and post them to your Instagram account.
15. Any personal grooming such as toenail clipping, eyebrow plucking or lipstick application must be done in my presence.
16. At least once during festival, you must allow me to carry you on my shoulders so you can see stage better
17. At least twice during the festival you must tell me in a playful manner that “I am naughty”.
18. At some point in time during the festival you must tell me that “you didn’t know how this would go, but you’re actually having a really good time”.
19. At least once during our stay after your shower, you must use the steam to write a cute message on the bathroom mirror for me to find later when I shower.
20. Must be ready to party and HAVE FUN!”